Jeffster! Versus the Message
by Cortana Hansen
Summary: (Season 3, soon-to-be-super AU, and Fem!Morgan)- Lester hasn't forgiven Morgan for firing him. Morgan won't give up on getting her friend back. But this childish rivalry fades into the background when Lester receives a visit from his sister. Questions are raised and no matter where Team Jeffster looks, only more questions continue to pop up.
1. I Declare War On Thee

**I know, this is probably going to be the craziest thing I've ever written. ****I don't even really ship these two anyway- I just wanted to do something that's never been done before. That I'm aware of anyway. ****Not to mention, I've seen pairings that are _way_ weirder than this, both here and _Archive of Our Own_. Believe me. So if you don't like this story, just don't read. Or suggest reasonable ways of improving it. And don't be jerks about it, please. One flamer on a Ratchet and Clank story was enough for a lifetime.**

. . .

Lester spotted Morgan making her way past the HD TVs towards him and inwardly growled with frustration. That woman just wouldn't give up. When was Morgan going to learn... when you join the corporate fat cats and Big Mikes, you leave the lower Buy More-lings behind. Still, Lester couldn't help but admire Morgan's persistence, annoying as it was. But he wouldn't give Morgan the satisfaction of knowing that. He'd rather die first.

"Lester, talk to me." Lester turned and started to walk away, not wanting to hear what Morgan had to say. He headed down the aisle towards Jeff- who would most certainly keep Morgan away, being the professional perv that he was- when he felt the assistant manager's hand on his shoulder. "Lester. You can't ignore me forever. You _know_ that."

Lester bit his lip to keep from letting out a snarky comment. Morgan wasn't worth his time. She wasn't worth it. And somehow, the darn woman just couldn't get it through her thick skull. "Lester..." Morgan's tone was almost pleading now. Lester slowly turned around to look at Morgan. He could see the relief on her face. Apparently she thought he was finally going to speak to her. Well, she wasn't totally wrong.

But she wasn't right either.

A smirk appeared on Lester's face and he slowly lifted his hand, making a fist. He then quickly flipped up his middle finger. The shocked expression on Morgan's face in response to this action was almost enough to make Lester laugh. _Almost._ With that, the dark-haired Nerd Herder whirled around on his heel and marched down the aisle towards Jeff. "When is she ever gonna learn?"

"When is who gonna learn?" Jeff asked, picking up a box of charging plugs. He opened it and proceeded to stick one end of a cord up his nostril.

"Morgan Grimes," Lester told him, watching his friend curiously as he stuck the other end of the cord in his nose. "Hey, doesn't that hurt?"

"Nope," Jeff replied. "I lost all feeling in my nose after the first couple times I did this. You should try it sometime- it really opens up the nasal passages. At least, that's what my mom told me."

Lester bit his lip, trying not to laugh. He put a hand on Jeff's shoulder and said, "Well, if we ever get caught up in some super secret spy conspiracy or something as equally unlikely... at least we know they can't torture you by plucking out your nose hairs." Jeff merely shrugged in reply. Casey happened to walk by at that moment and did a double take when he saw the cord in Jeff's nose.

_Hm... interesting. Note to self: tell General Beckman it might be a useful torture device._ And then he headed towards the Home Theatre room, devising up ways to improve this idea.

"Lester."

Lester turned to see Morgan standing a few feet away. She must be really desperate if she was willing to stand _this_ close to Jeff. Speaking of which, Jeff turned around as well. "Oh, hi, Morgan. How are you?" As if it was perfectly normal to ask someone that with a cord up your nose.

Morgan cringed at the sight, but said nothing of it. "Er, I'm fine. Thanks for asking."

Lester elbowed Jeff for that. _Never ask the enemy how they're doing._ Jeff looked at Lester, who looked back at him. Then Jeff looked at Morgan. "Lester says he hates you."

"Yeah, okay, I get that," Morgan said. She looked at Lester and continued, "Lester, I'm not asking you to be my friend again. I just want you to do your job. That's all. _You_ of all people _should_ understand that, having been in this position yourself once." Lester just looked back at Morgan with a cold, hard stare. _I was wondering when you'd pull that rabbit out of the hat, Grimes._

Morgan seemed to get the message. "Fine, you don't wanna talk? Fine. At least do your job. I hope you're happy, Lester, because you're not the only who'll be giving the cold shoulder now." With that, she stalked away, her frustration trailing in her path.

_The next morning..._

Lester sniffed his coffee suspiciously, then took a cautious sip. Good. Morgan hadn't touched it. Although waging a prank war would have been kind of fun, especially if it meant every blow that Lester could have made would be vengeance. Still, he was glad his stuff hadn't been tampered with. Maybe Morgan finally learned her lesson.

A smile made it's way across Lester's face. Finally! That woman was such a pest, he wasn't sure when- or even _if-_ she would give up. "Viva da vida," he murmured to himself, smirking. Today was going to be a good day. For the entire morning, Lester saw nothing of Morgan, save for watching her pestering Chuck about something for a brief moment. And when Morgan's eyes met Lester's for a brief second, she quickly cut off whatever she was rambling on about and scurried off, claiming she had to see Big Mike about something.

Much to Chuck's confusion. It wasn't even a moment later before Chuck came back to the Nerd Herd station and practically started interrogating Lester. "Okay, what's going on with you and Morgan? Ever since I came back from that one install a few days ago, things have just really been off between you two."

Lester raised his eyebrow slightly and asked, "And this is your business... why, exactly?"

"Because Morgan is my best friend, that's why. And she's your friend, too."

"Are you sure it isn't because you're sleeping together?"

Chuck gave Lester a glare. "Lester, there's a very big difference between a _best friend_ and a _girlfriend._ Morgan is just sharing my apartment. I sleep in _my_ room, and she sleeps in _hers_. There's absolutely _no_ sleeping together."

Lester looked skeptical. "If you say so, Bartowski." Chuck rolled his eyes and just walked away. "I still think you're sleeping together," Lester muttered to himself.

Typical Lester Patel.

"Hey, Lester, have you seen my phone?"

Lester turned to face Jeff. "No, I haven't. Why? Don't tell me you lost it again..." The expression on Jeff's face told him everything. "You lost it again, didn't you? Jeff, how many times have I told you- what goes _in_ your pocket _stays_ in your pocket. Unless there's an emergency."

"But I haven't taken it out all day! I swear!" Jeff looked at Lester, imploring. "Can you help me find it? Please, Lester?"

Lester let out a huff of annoyance. "Fine, but you have to share your paycheck with me. Seventy-five percent."

"I'm not an idiot, Lester. Fifty."

"Seventy."

"Fifty-two."

"Sixty-five."

"Fifty-eight."

"Deal!"

They searched the store for the next two hours, looking for Jeff's phone. With absolutely no success. "Jeff, we have to face facts. We can't find your phone," Lester told his friend as he slowly lowered himself out of the air vent in the ceiling. He landed on the floor with a painful _thud_, barely missing the chair that they used to move the ceiling panel.

"But it has all my favourite boob pictures on it!" Jeff wailed.

"Well, it's not in the vent, that's for sure. And why did you make me look in there, anyway? It's cramped and hot and smells funny."

"It's a great place to see ladies butts and not be noticed," Jeff told him. "I thought my phone might have fallen out of my pocket there."

Lester tilted his head, forgetting about the phone for the moment. His interest was peaked. "You're right. I did notice when I was up there that it's got a great view of the store. You can see almost everything that's going on."

"I hope I'm not interrupting." Lester and Jeff turned to see Morgan standing a few feet away.

"Hi, Morgan- oof!" Lester elbowed Jeff, interrupting the friendly greeting.

"I don't know- or wanna know- whatever you're doing," Morgan said. "Just get back to work before I take decisive action." Lester rolled his eyes in reply. This only vexed Morgan more. "I'm not kidding. _Get back to work._ Both of you."

_Yeah? What'ya gonna do about it if we don't, Grimes? _Lester raised his eyebrows, is if to challenge Morgan.

Morgan let out a sigh. "Fine. If you two won't work, then I'm taking a cut outta both your paychecks. Ten percent."

Jeff wasn't impressed. "I'm just here for the boobs, anyway."

"What?!" Lester shrieked in response to Morgan's threat. Although Jeff's casual reply would've bewildered a bit him under normal circumstances, in this instance it was in one ear and out the other. "You can't do that!"

"So, Mister Patel speaks," Morgan commented sarcastically, her expression smug. "And actually, I can. Look it up. Now get moving before I sic the Casey on you." Lester and Jeff turned away, the former grumbling in annoyance. Morgan took her phone out of her pocket and typed in the following words: _Can the assistant manager of a store take a cut out of another employee's paycheck?_

_Later, that afternoon..._

Lester smirked as he and Jeff looked proudly at the traps they had just finished setting up. Tripwire at the door to the lunch room, tar on Morgan's favourite chair... they even spiked Morgan's lunch with some tranquilizer sedative they stole from Casey's locker. Jeff even had the idea to set up a secret surveillance camera and cleverly disguised it as a fridge magnet so that way they could capture the humiliating moment forever.

Naturally Lester was all for it.

"Dude," Jeff spoke up, "this is gonna be so _epic."_

"I couldn't have said it better myself, my friend," Lester replied, grinning. "Now let's get outta here before our target shows up. I hear that yogurt place Chuck's ex-girlfriend works at is selling a new flavour. Apparently it's become a favourite of the green shirts."

"Do you think it has tunaroni in it?" Jeff asked. "You know how much I love my tunaroni."

"I have no clue. Let's find out!"

. . .

**And that's the end of that. T****his chapter was more of "getting things set up" sort of thing. Obviously some really weird and crude humour was thrown in. (Writing Jeff is pretty fun!) Anyway, signing off now, cuz I'm tired. Next chapter will be up soon.**


	2. Family Reunion

**Alrighty, so we're onto chapter two. First let's get the reviews over with.**

_**jwatkins: Interesting. It is certainly different than anything I have read so far. I'd like to see where you take this**_

**Reply: Well, it's seriously an interesting experience, writing this. Not sure how this will go down, but hopefully this story will at least be decent. Anyway, I'm glad that you're interested, and hopefully this next chapter will be as interesting.**

_**Guest: ****Morgane? That's a stretch. Especially when you could have just stuck with Morgan. It's a unisex name.**_

_**And to paraphrase, Dr Ian Malcolm, maybe you were so preoccupied with whether you could write this, you forgot to consider whether you should.**_

**Reply: In response to your first statement, okay, thanks for the info on that. I've revised the previous chapter so that way Morgan's name is still... well, Morgan.**

**In response to your second statement... well, I happen to be a fan of _Jurassic Park_ myself. And I _did_ consider whether or not I should be writing this. But you know what? The truth is that I don't have a clue as to the answer. *shrugs* I'll just have to find out as I write.**

**Anyway, this story is going to become even more AU than initially planned. I won't say any more because of spoilers. **

. . .

"Does the Orangy-Orange Sprinkle Supreme have tunaroni in it?" Jeff asked. "You know- tuna and pepperoni smushed together in perfect harmony?"

"I'm pretty sure it doesn't," Sarah told him, seemingly startled by the odd question. "I'm sorry, Jeff."

"Lady," Lester spoke up, "sorry doesn't even begin to _cut_ it. Now get this man some tunaroni!"

Sarah looked at the duo with narrowed eyes, suspicion in her gaze. "Alright, what on Earth did you two inhale this time? You're not normally this... _weird__."_ She reconsidered a moment. "Actually, I take that back. You two always behave like this."

Jeff gave Sarah a smile, evidently pleased by her comment. "Weird is our job."

"It's our _career,"_ Lester added.

"And serving my customers yogurt is _my_ job," Sarah told them bluntly, not impressed. "So if you're not going to order anything, I suggest you let the lovely couple behind you get something to eat before I kick you out myself."

Lester raised his hands, his expression somewhat offended. "Fine. It's our money and our time you're losing."

Sarah rolled her eyes as the duo left the little restaurant. Then she looked over at the couple, who surprisingly seemed somewhat amused by the exchange. "Sorry about that. What can I do for you?"

Lester meanwhile was talking Jeff's ear off as they walked across the street, ranting about how frustrating women could be. Jeff just remained silent, letting his best friend vent. Once Lester was out of angry things to say, Jeff asked, "So do you wanna see if we can swipe Big Mike's snack sub when he goes to the bathroom? You know, for his thirty-minute magazine browsing?"

Lester seemed to brighten up at the suggestion. "You know, that's a _brilliant_ idea."

_Later..._

Lester sat at the Nerd Herd desk beside Jeff, holding an ice pack to his eye. "Note to self- _never_ try to steal Big Mike's sub ever _again. _This was a _terrible_ idea."

"Agreed," Jeff replied, rubbing a bruise on his cheek. "Big Mike can really hit hard. My cheek is still tingling like crazy and- whoa!"

"Whoa what?"

"Lester, I think I'm in love."

Lester turned his head to look at Jeff with a thoroughly confused expression. "What are you talking about?"

"Hi, I'm looking for a _Lester Patel,"_ a feminine voice announced from the other side of the desk. Lester quickly looked at the source, startled. The speaker was a dark-haired woman with chocolate brown eyes and lustrous tanned skin. Lester's eyes widened in happy recognition as he forgot about his black and blue eye for the moment.

"Leslie! What're you doing here?"

"Leslie?" Jeff asked blankly.

"Oh, right, you two haven't been introduced," Lester said. "Jeff, meet my... highly _successful_ sister Leslie." His words had a strong twinge of jealousy to them. "Leslie, meet my best friend and fellow Nerd Herder Jeff."

Leslie smiled at Jeff pleasantly. "Nice to meet you, Jeff."

"Same here," Jeff replied, grinning. "You look just like Lester, but with boobs."

Lester wrinkled his nose. "Jeff, please don't make me uncomfortable to be alone with you."

Leslie just laughed at the awkward response to Jeff's odd observation (which actually wasn't that far from the truth) and said, "I was wondering if you could help me. I'm looking for a _Chuck Bartowski_. He's supposed to work here."

"Of course, you didn't come here just to visit me," Lester muttered under his breath, a sour feeling in his chest. Then he told her, "I have no clue where Bartowski is anymore. He's been going on a _lot_ of unscheduled installs lately."

"He's been doing it for almost three years," Jeff corrected.

Lester thought a moment. "You know what? You're right, Jeffrey. Maybe he's... you know, been doing _it_ with his girlfriends?"

"Do you know when he'll be back?" Leslie asked, not really interested in the discussion of whether or not Chuck was doing you-know-what with his girlfriends.

Jeff shrugged. "Sometimes Chuck doesn't get back until the next day."

"Sometimes he even spends a _week_ away on a so-called 'install,'" Lester added. "If you're looking to hook up or something, forget it. Hannah's already got him wrapped around her pretty little finger."

Leslie shook her head. "I'm not interested in Chuck romantically. I have some business with him. When you see him..." She took a scrap of paper out of her purse and handed it to her brother. "... give him this. It's from a friend of mine. And... don't show it to anyone else. And don't look at it." With that, Leslie turned and started walking away, an odd agitation trailing behind her.

Lester jumped up from his seat and caught up to Leslie. "Wait! Shouldn't we catch up while you're, you know, in town? It's been a while since we last saw each other..."

Leslie stopped walking and looked at Lester with a small frown. "I'm afraid I'm here on business. I'll call you if I have time to hang out with you, okay?"

Lester nodded, now smiling again. "Okay."

Leslie smiled back and started off towards her vehicle. Lester watched her until she got in and drove away. When he returned to the Nerd Herd desk, he stopped to see Jeff _reading_ the paper Leslie gave them. Lester quickly scurried over and snatched the paper out of Jeff's hands. "What do you think you're doing?! Leslie said not to read it."

"Dude, her friend wrote something really weird on the paper," Jeff told him. "I couldn't help myself."

In spite of what his sister said, Lester's curiosity peaked. He looked down at the neatly folded paper and gently opened it up. His eyes immediately landed on the following words:

_They know your secret now, Bartowski. Your efforts were for nothing. I'm coming for you._

"'They know your secret now?'" Lester repeated. "'Your efforts were for nothing?'" The Nerd Herder processed this for a moment. Then he shook his head. "It must be some weird flirt-code or something."

Jeff shrugged. "Wanna see if Grimes fell victim to our trap yet?"

Lester smirked at the suggestion, carelessly stuffing the weird note in his pocket. "Heck yes." Jeff took out his spare-for-the-spare phone and tapped into the hidden camera in the break room. Lester quickly hurried to Jeff's shoulder and looked at the screen. His excited smile was quickly replaced by an expression of astonishment. "Oh, you have got to be... of course Skip just _had_ to go in first! Why is it our plans never work?!"

Clearly the duo, as clever as they were, didn't account for the fact that the tripwire screwed up their entire plan due to the fact that literally _anyone_ could just walk into the break room and... you know, trip over the wire. On the phone screen, Jeff and Lester could see their fellow Nerd Herder Skip Johnson sprawled on the shiny white tile floor, knocked out cold from what had to be a nasty fall. Morgan on the other hand was nowhere in sight.

"Well, that was disappointing," Jeff said.

"What's disappointing?" a familiar voice asked. Jeff and Lester looked up simultaneously at Morgan, who stared right back at them with a suspicious gaze. "What did you two do now?" she demanded. Then her eyes landed on the bruises on their faces. "And what happened to your faces?"

"Nothing," Jeff told her, quickly closing the app on the phone. "Did you know Lester's sister is _hot?"_

Lester turned to look at Jeff and said in a low voice, "You know, you don't have to tell everyone here you met my sister."

"Really?" Morgan asked, ignoring Lester and keeping her attention on Jeff. "What's her name?"

"Leslie. Hey, Lester, since she's your sister, does that mean I have permission to hit on her?" Lester gave Jeff a smile and a pat on the shoulder, his silent equivalent of a "Yes." Jeff looked at Morgan, grinning. Then his smile faltered. "Sorry, Morgan, but Leslie's taller."

Morgan looked at the Nerd Herder questioningly, then decided she really _didn't_ want to know what he meant. "Uh huh. Good for you. Uh... just get back to work-"

Lester then remembered the note he was supposed to give Chuck. He fished it out of his pocket and practically shoved it in Morgan's face. Jeff looked at Lester, then at Morgan. "Oh yeah, Leslie wanted us to give that to Chuck. She said not to look at it, but we kinda did anyway. We think it might be some kind flirt-code. Too bad for Chuck, cuz I already have dibs."

"Uh, okay. That's... nice," Morgan replied uncertainly, taking the note from Lester's hand. "I'll be sure to give this to Chuck if I see him," Morgan continued. She considered something a moment and looked at Lester. "Leslie, huh? Your family must really like the letter 'L.'"

In spite of himself, Lester's mouth twitched in amusement at the observation.

Morgan noticed, but made no comment. She started walking away and opened the note, curious to see if Jeff and Lester were right in their assumption. She stopped walking as she read, then closed the note back up after finishing. Her trembling hands were breaking out in a sweat. "Chuck needs to see this," Morgan murmured.

She looked over her shoulder back at Jeff and Lester, who were laughing about something they were looking at on a computer. If this note was what Morgan thought it was, then Chuck wasn't the only one in trouble.

. . .

**Yeah, my plans went from purely _funny pranks and fluff with some angst_ to _this_ very quickly. I may have to revise this chapter later, btw. But I'm okay with the overall result. There are some spots I feel still need some polishing though (namely the scene where Jeff and Lester see their prank plan has failed).**

**And Skip Johnson is actually a character from the Chuck show. You can find some, although very little, information about him on the Chuck Wiki.**


	3. They're Spies!

**Chapter three. :) Also, sorry this chapter accidentally got deleted, so I had to repost.**

_**Lonny J: ****Although Morgan is an acceptable name for a woman, there is no reason you couldn't have stuck with Morgane, also a good name. I like the fic so far and I think the change in direction could be very interesting.**_

**Reply: Yeah, I kinda thought the same thing in terms of the name. Maybe I could say that "Morgane" is her real name, but she prefers to be called Morgan?... And I just had a really great idea! Not gonna say anything about it to prevent spoilers, of course. Anyway, glad you like this fic so far, and I look forward to hearing more of your thoughts soon.**

_**jwatkins: ****First, let me say that you should not let reviews (most especially guests) write your story for you. If you want the name to be Morgane, then make it so (I personally happen to like it). To hell with what others think. Secondly, there are very few exceptions where I would ever question whether someone 'should' write a fanfic. I say that if the story is in your heart and mind to write, then write it. You shouldn't write stories just to make others happy. They should make you happy as well, especially in this forum. Nobody is being forced to read your work, so tell them to go on their merry way if they don't like it. You do you! I think your story is interesting. Very rarely does anyone write a fic with Lester and Jeff (not that I have read in quite a while anyway). That in and of itself is interesting and fresh. Now we have some intrigue to throw into the mix. Keep it going and enjoy yourself.**_

**Reply: Yeah, I should know better than to have let that guest walk over me like that. I've just been going through a lot lately, with so many changes going on in my life. And to be truthful, I like the name Morgane, too. :) I do particularly enjoy writing this story, especially when it means I get to make Jeff and Lester do really crazy (and sometimes weird) stuff, and despite my previous fears about writing it, I'm feeling pretty good about this story. ****Anyway, thanks so much for your review. It really helped boost my self-confidence, and I appreciate that greatly. **

**And before I sign off... _Jeffster_ RULES! :) **

. . .

_The next morning..._

Lester tossed his phone onto the Nerd Herd desk, frustrated with his latest video game session. Of _course_, that Follower of Romulus just _had_ to sneak up in the middle of the fight and bludgeon poor Ezio in the back. _Maybe I should take a nap. I am getting kinda sleepy anyway_. The Nerd Herder leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. Just his he started to drift into a peaceful doze, a hand grabbed him by the shoulder and shook him roughly.

"Lester! Lester! Something really weird is going on here!"

Lester opened his eyes to see a freaked out Jeff- something he's _never_ seen before. He immediately sat up straight, his attention solely on his best friend. "Whoa, whoa, hold your horses, Jefferson. What's the problem? It's not that one housewife, is it? The one that isn't as lumpy as the others? I told you Jeff, every housewife has a varying degree of lumpiness. There are some who just don't have it, okay?"

"No, this is way freakier," Jeff told him.

"Did Big Mike eat a cornish hen sandwich for breakfast again?" Lester asked. His expression turned grim. "Just one of the many cruelties of these corporate fat cats..."

"No, it's not that either. Just- just follow me!" Without waiting for a reply, Jeff grabbed Lester by the wrist and started dragging him to the Home Theatre room. Lester noted that the curtains were pulled shut. Now who did that? The whole point of the Home Theatre room was for people to see it, get interested in its contents, and then blow all their money on electronics like TVs and PlayStation 3s. And sometimes the occasional Xbox.

In any case, the curtains weren't supposed to be closed until the store's closing time. But said curtains were closed and the Buy More was most certainly open. "What's going on, Jeffrey?" Lester asked as Jeff cautiously opened the door.

"It's all clear," Jeff said as he peeked inside the room. He pulled Lester inside and then quietly shut the door behind them. Then he got down on the dirty carpet and started feeling around for something. "It's here somewhere..."

"Did you inhale too much chloroform again?"

"Found it!" Jeff triumphantly lifted open a small trap door that had blended in _perfectly_ with the carpet. Lester's jaw dropped in astonishment.

"That... that wasn't in the original Buy More blueprints!" Lester's intense surprise turned into curiosity. "How'd you find this?"

"I wanted to give Casey an invitation to our rehearsal for our first concert this weekend, but when I followed him, I saw him climb through this," Jeff explained. "Dude, something really weird is going on in this store." There was an intense expression of determination in the Nerd Herder's gaze. "That's _our_ job!"

Lester grinned at Jeff, suddenly excited. "If they wanna be weird like us, they have to do it on their _own_ territory. Let's say you and me teach 'em a lesson?"

Jeff smiled back at his friend. "I thought you'd never ask." The duo fistbumped enthusiastically before going down into the deep, dark, and rather _cramped_ unknown. Jeff went down first, at Lester's cowardly insistence, and slowly but surely climbed down the cold, metal ladder.

Once they reached the bottom, which was thoroughly lit, Jeff immediately turned to Lester, grinning. "Dude... we hit the _motherload!" _Lester thoroughly agreed. _Everything_ in that room was practically Nerd Herder luxury. Both were too enamored by the shiny new computers to pay any attention to the CIA emblems on the screens. Before either of them could stick their hands on this wonderous technology, the duo heard voices coming from the room adjacent.

"Quick, hide!" Lester whispered, hurriedly shoving his friend under a wide table that sat in the centre of the room. He barely got himself underneath in time to avoid being seen.

"... are you absolutely sure that this note was from Lester's sister, Morgan?" a feminine voice asked. Both Jeff and Lester immediately recognised it to be Sarah Walker.

Jeff and Lester looked at each other, thinking the same thing: _What in the heck?_

"According to Jeff and Lester, it was from a friend of hers," Morgan explained as she followed Sarah. "Wait... you don't think _she_ might be part of the Ring, too... do you?"

"If this note really is from Shaw- and it has to be, because this _is_ his writing- then Leslie Patel is almost certainly with the Ring." Chuck's sneakers squeaked a bit as he walked into the room.

_Ring... Shaw... what the heck is going on?_ Lester bit his lip, his mind swirling with questions. Why was this room underneath the Buy More? Who were these people, the very people Lester considered his friends until this very moment? Well, except for Morgan. She lost their friendship the very _second_ she became Assistant Manager. Nevertheless, both Jeff and Lester had many questions and zip on answers.

"What are we gonna do?!" Lester whispered frantically to Jeff. "If we get caught, they might torture us! Or kill us! They might kill my sister! Who are these people?!"

"Look, over there." Jeff pointed at a computer screen that they could just barely see from their hiding spot. "That computer says the 'Central Intelligence Agency.'"

"Holy crap, they're CIA," Lester breathed, his heart racing. "Jefferson, you should be the next Sherlock Holmes. Or was it Watson? Forget it, I don't care. We need to get outta here before we get caught or worse." His eyes scrutinised the room as he attempted to calculate their escape.

"So what do we do?" Morgan asked Chuck, her voice tinged with fear. "If Leslie is affiliated with the Ring, then that means both Jeff and Lester are in a lot of danger."

"We may have to put them into protective custody at an underground facility," Casey replied, his feet shuffling heavily across the floor. Lester bit his lip again, preventing a gasp as Casey's shiny black leather boot stepped in front of the table, just a foot from the Nerd Herder's face.

_"Absolutely not,"_ an unfamiliar voice intervened.

"But General Beckman-"

Casey's protest was interrupted by Beckman continuing, _"We can use this opportunity to get in close and strike the Ring. We can take them and Shaw down once and for all. And I find this a great opportunity to test Morgan's skills as a spy."_

"I'm sorry- say what now?" Chuck asked.

_"Grimes is a part of your team- it's about time she started to act like it. Morgan, Mister Barnes and Patel will be your assets for this mission. You need to get close to them. Join them in their activities, make them feel they can trust you. No doubt Miss Patel will contact her brother again. That will be your chance to bring her in."_

"Look, General," Morgan said, "my relationships with Jeff and Lester are already on thin ice. And by thin, I mean _really_ thin. If I do this-"

_"The safety of our country is more important than your relationships with Barnes and Patel,"_ Beckman interrupted, her voice stern._ "If you won't do it for the CIA, do it for your family, your friends, and for... ahem, _Buy Moria."

Morgan sighed softly. "Okay. I'll do it."

Lester felt a boiling fury rise in his chest at Morgan's words. It's one thing to take the position of Assistant Manager. It's a whole other level to agree to manipulate your former friends so you can take down some dumb organisation named after a piece of jewelry.

In other words, Lester was pissed.

Jeff looked over at his friend and saw the rage in his eyes. "Lester, if you're gonna do what I think you're going to... you should do it. And don't worry, I'll have your back."

Lester quickly shook his head. "No, no... we need to get answers, Jeffrey. You with me?"

"Heck yes," Jeff immediately replied, grinning.

Lester smirked back at his best friend. "I was hoping you'd say that. Now I just need find an excuse to bail out on my mother's fiancee's bachelor party tonight."

. . .

**Unfortunately, this chapter was shorter and lacking in humour somewhat, but you can count on the next chapter having plenty of Jeffster quirkiness. :) And look on the bright side- some interesting twists in this chapter. ****This will probably have to be revised tomorrow, though.**


	4. Operation: Jeffster, Part One

**Chapter four! :) Some angst in this chapter at the beginning, but there's still humour and a bit of mystery thrown in. I reposted this chapter after deciding I wasn't satisfied with the way it was before. I like it more now.**

**Anyway, onto reviews!**

_**Lonny J: Shorter is no big deal. There was humor in there as well. I like where it seems to be going.**_

**Reply: Thanks. :) I'm glad that you do.**

_**Newfanfikker: You have a unique set-up here Cortana. Nice job. I am a little bit flabbergasted to think anyone would consider losing Lester's friendship to be a negative considering he is extremely canon:-) Morgan appears to have moved past her first couple of years in canon so she should be over the moon.**_

**Reply: As I stated in previous author's notes and the summary, this story is going to be extremely AU. While I am trying to stick as closely as possible to the character's original personalities, I know that the characters are probably going to be slightly OOC. *shrugs* I'm enjoying writing this story, in spite of any issues it may have. That's what matters. I do appreciate the complement about my setup, though, so thank you.**

. . .

_Later, that evening..._

Jeff and Lester sat in the stuffy van as the former quickly hacked into the bug system Casey had planted around Echo Park. "Now we can listen to Ellie and Devon have sex, and they won't know about it."

"That's just one perk," Lester said, grinning at the thought. "We'll also hear everything our CIA friends are talking about, which means we can find out what's going on."

_"So how do we go about this?"_ Morgan's voice came over the radio, somewhat crackly. _"Do I come on like James Bond, ya know, with the sunglasses and all that good stuff? Or should I be more like Sarah-"_

_"Buddy, just be yourself,"_ was Chuck's reply._ "This is Jeff and Lester we're talking about. If anything, you acting like James Bond in front of them is just gonna tip them off that something's up."_

There was a moment of silence in the conversation. Then Morgan asked,_ "Are you sure I should be doing this?"_

_"Are _you_ sure?"_

_"Well, I'm doing it for Buy Moria... right?"_

Lester rolled his eyes. He always thought that Morgan's concept of the Buy More being like a miniature country or whatever was ridiculous. "Tell us what's going on, Grimes," Lester muttered in annoyance.

_"Buddy, if you're having second thoughts, I can-"_

_"No, no,"_ Morgan interrupted, her voice heavy with anxiety._ "I'm just... well, Chuck... I dunno. I wanna be a spy, but not like this. I'm not like you. If Jeff and Lester start asking questions, I might crack. I might expose this whole operation, all because I'm a terrible liar. I've screwed up missions before because of that reason. That's why Beckman hardly ever let me go on one with you guys. I don't wanna mess this up and then get benched forever. I want to be an awesome super spy like you, Sarah, and Casey. I don't want to be the girl who was just an assistant manager at the Buy More. I wanna be the girl who could juggle that job and be a secret agent at the same time! __Chuck, what I'm trying to say is... help me _be_ like _you."

Jeff frowned. "This is boring. I thought we were supposed to be hearing the stuff you hear in spy movies- you know, like on _007_. Not mushy stuff."

"Patience, Jefferson," Lester told him. "Soon we'll know _every last secret."_

_"Morgan, you know I can't do that. This job... it's changed me. It's made me a different person. I don't want that to happen to you."_

_"So are you saying you won't help me?"_

There was a moment of silence, which was broken when Chuck replied softly, _"Yes. That's exactly what I'm saying."_

Lester turned and looked at Jeff, who looked back at him with a puzzled expression. A small smirk appeared on Lester's face. "About time Grimes learned how it feels."

"How what feels?" Jeff asked.

"How it feels to-" Lester's reply was interrupted when the van's side door was whipped open. Casey stood outside, glaring at the two stalkers.

"What are you two doing out here at this time of night?" Casey demanded, his right hand cautiously reaching behind his back for what was no doubt a gun. "And with surveillance equipment, no less."

Lester, who quickly muted the radio, was unable to form a coherent sentence and instead started spewing rapid gibberish. Luckily Jeff managed to save their hides and declared, "We wanted to listen to Ellie and Awesome bang each other!"

Casey wrinkled his nose in disgust. "As if the two of you weren't perverted enough. Get your butts out of here before I kick them myself."

"Yea-yeah, no problem!" Lester sputtered, his palms sweating. "We'll be on our way very shortly." Casey let out an annoyed grunt and slid the van door shut with a loud _bam!_ Lester lowered his hands after realising he had raised them when Casey had caught them. The Nerd Herder looked at Jeff with wide eyes. "Holy crap. That was close!"

"I know. My bladder just went crazy!" Jeff told him, opening a drawer and taking out a roll of paper towels.

"Mine too," Lester breathed, his heart rate slowly returning to normal. The adrenaline that coursed through his veins settled as he calmed down.

"Want a paper towel?"

Lester shook his head. "No, I'll drive us back to my mom's house while you clean yourself up."

_Soon..._

Lester pulled into the driveway and quickly shut off the engine. "Lights are on," he observed as he looked through the windshield at the house. "Mom must still be up." He heard a soft snoring eminating from the back of the van. No doubt Jeff had fallen asleep at some point during the ride. Lester was tempted to wake up his friend, so he wouldn't have to explain all by himself to his mom about why he wasn't at the bachelor party.

Lester thought the better of it, as a groggy Jeff was a far too talkative Jeff. He could let something slip. Lester had to do this on his own. He pulled off his black jacket and hopped out of the van. As the Nerd Herder walked up to the house, the front door whipped open and a shrill voice called, "LESTER INDIRA GOLDA PATEL!"

_Sure, just shout my whole name so that way the entire neighborhood knows it,_ Lester thought, cringing. His mother stormed out into the driveway and slapped him hard across the face. "Ow! What was that for?!"

"You weren't at the bachelor party! You better have a good explanation, young man, or I'll throttle you where you stand!"

Lester barely resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "I had a bit of a spastic colin earlier today. It wasn't anything serious, but it was still pretty bad. And I don't think your fiancee would have appreciated my coming to the bachelor party smelling like sh-"

"Okay, I get it," his mom interrupted. "No need to go into detail! You can be so... off-putting nowadays. Sometimes I think you should get a job somewhere that's a little less..._ weird."_

For once, Lester agreed with her. But he still had to find out why the CIA were underneath the Buy More and how his sister was tied into all this.

Soon, an hour or so after his mother went to sleep, Lester crawled out of bed and fumbled around his desk for his laptop. His fingers brushed against cool metal. It was the laptop. The Nerd Herder opened the computer up and started it. After spending several minutes of getting the programs up and running, Lester opened up a new window on his laptop. "Hello, old friend," he murmured. "Let's say you and I have a little reunion and hack into the CIA database, shall we?"

"Lester, who are you talking to?" a low, sleepy voice whispered.

Lester yelped and whirled around. In the dim moonlight, he could barely make out Jeff's silohuette. "Jeffrey, how did you get in here?"

"I climbed in through the window."

"And _why_ did you climb in here?"

"Sometimes I like to watch you sleep," Jeff answered. "It's so peaceful, like a puppy."

Lester was silent for a moment, then said, "Okay, we'll discuss personal boundaries another time- I'm hacking into the CIA using one of the old programs I made back in college."

"You went to college?"

"Yep. I was there for close to one semester before getting kicked out for hacking into the FBI database," Lester told him. "They claimed their cyber security was impenetrable, I proved them wrong. They promised to drop all charges if I dropped out of college and didn't tell anyone about the incident."

Lester's computer let out a shrill beep. Lester winced, hoping it didn't wake his mother. He turned and looked at the computer. Dozens of files were opening up on the screen, some displaying information about CIA agents, other files with information about missions.

"Wow," Jeff murmured, walking over to look at the screen.

"This was too easy. You would think that the CIA would have better cyber security," Lester muttered. "Or maybe we just watch too many spy movies. Alright, let's see what this puppy can give us." The Nerd Herder tapped away at his keyboard, his eyes skimming over the information that popped up. "Whoa... Jeffrey... are you seeing what I'm seeing?"

"I think so, but why would the CIA be advertising pumpernickel?"

Lester decided he didn't want to know what made Jeff think that. "It looks like the CIA found a way to put a whole whopping _database_ of information into the human brain. And look at this! This file here lists all the people who 'downloaded' this program. Someone named Agent X... blah, blah... holy crap! Chuck's in this list!"

"He is?!" Jeff looked at the list Lester was reading. Sure enough, Chuck's name was on it. "Hey, it says here that this program or whatever was called an Intersect!"

"Intersect?" Lester scoffed. "What kind of a dumb name is that? Never mind- forget the Intersect! We need to find out more about the Ring and how my sister is involved in this." Suddenly, before Lester could do anything else, the screen fizzled black. "What the...?"

A neon yellow cursor appeared onscreen, flashing omniously. "Ooh, do you think it's Santa Claus?" Jeff asked. "Maybe he's bringing our presents early!"

Lester looked up at him, frowning. "No, of course it isn't Santa... unless maybe he's a spy too!" Of course, that thought just had to pop into Lester's head. "That would explain why he gets around so easily to deliver all those presents! His elves might even be secret agents or something! It's the perfect-"

"Lester, look!" Jeff pointed at the laptop's screen. Lester looked towards the computer and saw what Jeff was pointing at.

The cursor had expanded to fill the screen and suddenly a man's face appeared. "Hello, Mister Patel and Mister Barnes. I see you have managed to hack into the CIA database. Very impressive, considering your... uh, not-so-impressive history."

"Are you Santa Claus?" Lester asked. "And if so, why did you shave off your beard? You look nothing like yourself."

"I'm not Santa Claus," the man replied, looking rather confused. "My name is Decker. Agent Decker. And I'm on _your_ side."

. . .

**Okay, so due to stuff going on in my personal life, this will be my last chapter for a little while. I'll be back soon though.**


End file.
